Chapter 11, part 1: The Cold Queen

Two days after Halloween I flew to Key West with The Young One. Since I got enlightened on Halloween, I didn’t have anything else in my head but my dream and how to make it come true. I must confess that maybe that’s why I was pretty cold to The Young One. I realized that when we were walking towards our gate on the airport. The Young One wanted to grab my hand but I pulled away. It was like a reflex because I didn’t see him as my real partner. Later, when I thought about it on the plane, I felt sorry for him. I thought, “The Young One makes an effort to make everything right. He takes me to Key West with him, he arranged temporary housing at his brother´s place, he tells me a hundred times per day that he loves me, and I´m still cold to him, and it seemed like I wouldn’t appreciate anything that he did for me. I only think about my writing and blog. I should change my attitude because he might dump me and I end up alone. I should be happy that such a young guy even noticed me.”☺️

After arriving in Key West, my good mood and positive attitude were a hundred times bigger than ever before.😁🤩 The weather was beautiful; warm and sunny. ☀️ It was a huge difference in comparison to Ney Jersey in November. I felt happy, and the endorphins stream in my blood fogged my mind so much that I decided to give The Young One a chance. Until then, we just slept together but The Young One always wanted more, and I still stubbornly refused. But after arriving to paradise, I was open to new challenges, and a relationship with a guy who is 7 years younger was definitely one of them.😜

We moved into The Young One´s brother place until we could find our own apartment. The Young One started to work as a security guy in a bar and I worked there as a waitress. We worked from evening until late in the night. My whole daily routine changed but I hoped that I would get used to the new schedule soon.

After our first sex in Key West, I told The Young One that I loved him.❤️🙈 I thought that he was waiting for it, and I expected us to be a real couple now. 👫 But the opposite was true. Since that moment, everything changed. He changed. His behavior turned 360° and I started to wonder with whom I was actually living.🤨

The Young One started to act coldly towards me. I didn’t understand what I did wrong. I thought that he got tired of brown-nosing. I thought that he had enough pleading for my attention because he didn’t see any reaction. He was actually right. For three months, he followed me like a puppy and I was still cold. He expressed his love, he took me to Key West, and all I offered him was sex. Okay, the last time I told him that I loved him, but was it too late? Did I express myself enough?🤔🤷‍♀️

I decided that I had to show him what he meant to me, and how much I appreciated what he did for me; how he was always there when I was sad after my break up, how he always listened to me and was interested in my writing. How he wanted to create a new home for us in Key West. And what did he receive in return from me? I pulled my hand away when he wanted to grab it at the air port.🤦‍♀️

I really started to try. We used to come home from work late at night, and we went to sleep right away. I got up before lunch so that I could make something to eat before The Young One woke up. When he did, we ate together. Then from time to time, we went to the beach but mostly we stayed home because we had some errands to do; like shopping, laundry, cleaning, cooking and so on. We used to shop together but everything else I did by myself. While I took care of our household, he tried to find an apartment for us. We couldn’t stay at one room in his brother´s house forever. We needed our own place. When The Young One came back from house hunting, we had dinner and went to the work.

“Have you found anything yet?” I asked him one day because he had been searching for apartments and houses for two weeks already and he still hadn’t come with any prospects. The next day, it was my birthday and I wanted to celebrate it in our own place, but it was very clear that it was not going to happen yet. 😞
“No, I haven’t. If I did, you would be the first to know,” he answered me with no interest.
“Why are you so arrogant towards me?”
“Because you ask bullshit questions.”
“Our own place is bullshit for you? You have changed since we came here. It seems like you lost interest in our life together. In Trenton, you followed me like puppy and you planned a future with me, and now when we have it here, you are not interested anymore.”
“I don’t want to argue.”
“Neither do I. All I want is an explanation why things have changed.”
“Nothing changed.”
“So why do you behave differently than before?”
“I don’t know if I behave differently.”
“You behave like a child! Just tell me what happened!” I was sick of his attitude and it made me yell.
“I will not listen to this.” The Young One stood up and left.
“Stop it!! What are you doing?!? Where are you going? This is not the way grown ups solve problems!” I yelled after him.

I was so pissed off. He obviously wasn’t interested in solving anything. He didn’t care about anything; not about an apartment, not about me. Did he already have enough of me? After two weeks? I wasn’t even bad to him. I was nice to him the whole time. I took care of him and the household. I even cooked for his brother as a reward for letting us live in his place. Until now, we didn’t even have any fights. I didn’t nag him when he did something that annoyed me. For example, when he walked around the house barefoot, and then he laid down in bed with dirty feet. I didn’t say a word about it, even if I was burning inside. I stayed silent and I washed the sheets the next day. I tried to do everything right and not provoke conflicts. I told myself that when we move to our own place, I will train him and teach him cleanliness.👩‍🏫 After all, he was very young, and he doesn’t know anything yet. But now? He started to rebel, and I wasn’t sure that we would ever move into our own place. Actually why would we? I provided him and his brother full service. I cooked for both of them, did their laundry, cleaned the house, so why would we move somewhere else?😤🤦‍♀️

That evening, I paid more attention to The Young One at work. 🧐 I sensed that something was wrong. I couldn’t close my eyes to it anymore and always try to do everything perfectly like an idiot, thinking that it was still not enough for him.

The Young One worked as bouncer at the bar, so he stood at the entrance and kept order at the bar. But he looked at his phone more than the people at the bar. Around midnight, some girl stopped next to him. I recognized the look that he had when he saw her. He had the same smile and shining eyes when we met in Trenton. I hadn’t seen that smile since we came to Key West. Now it was back, but smiling at another person.🤨

I knew that girl by sight. She came from the Czech Republic and worked as waitress at a nearby restaurant. The restaurant closed at 11 PM, so before she went home, she came to see my Young One. I wasn’t jealous though. 🤷‍♀️ I knew what was going on and I wasn’t jealous at all. Eventually, I realized that I didn’t love him even though I told him I did. Actually, I told him so only because I thought that he wanted to hear it. I wasn’t jealous but I was mad and I felt humiliated.😡 I left everything because of him! I left Trenton where I felt like at home already because of him, and he was disrespecting me like that behind my back?!?😡 I felt sick of him. I even tried to make everything right like a fool because I thought I wasn’t thankful enough for his attention. I thought I didn’t properly show him what he meant to me so that’s why I started to be a servant for him. Meanwhile he was fucking some young chick.😤🤮 Why am I even surprised?!?🤦‍♀️ Was I really that naïve to believe that a guy seven years younger could stay with me? Of course not!🤦‍♀️ Of course I was too old for him! Of course he found a girl more his age! It was I, who was totally stupid because I believed that it could work. 🤦‍♀️ I was stupid because I wanted to be young again. I really felt humiliated. I couldn’t believe that young asshole fucked with me like that. But it was not over yet. The Young One gave me a theatrical end of our ridiculous relationship. He was testing me.😯🤨😤

I didn’t talk to him on our way home from work that night. He obviously didn’t mind and didn’t say a word either. This is how my birthday began.😔 Ha, and the best part was just about to come…🤨

When we woke up, I wanted to make everything clear between us and to finally hear the truth from his mouth.
“Who is the girl that came to see you at night?” I started my interrogating him.
“What girl?”
“Don’t make an idiot of yourself! You know very well who I am talking about.”
“I don’t know.”
“You behave like a kid.”
“Don’t start that again.”
“Can you just tell me the truth already so we can end this?”
“I don’t feel like talking to you.”
“It´s my birthday today so be so nice please and as a present tell me the truth.”
“Congratulations, you just fucked up your birthday,” he said and left.

“Freaking asshole!!! Does he really think that he can treat me like that?!? I already been through a lot, and a kid like him will not lecture me!!” I thought. I was soooo pissed off.😡😡😤

After a few hours, I received a text message from him with a link.
“Listen to this song. Listen to it alone and listen carefully. Close your eyes, listen to it in peace and a couple of times. Then text me what crossed your mind.”
I thought, “Excuse me?? Is he fucking kidding me? Why? What is he up to?”🤨🧐
“Why should I listen to it?” I asked.
“I want you to tell me what was on your mind. I know that it is a risk to bet future on one song, but it is important for me and this is how I want it. It will decide what will be next.”
“Are you mad? Do you want to tell me that our future depends on what I tell you about the song? You will decide if you want to be with me or not by my answer?!? Are you fucking kidding me or what? You are suppose to know already if you want to be with me or not. Are you going to test me here? Wake up!!”
“As you wish. I do this with everyone who wants to stay in my life. It is important to me. Can you please do it?”

It seemed totally insane to me but I was curious what song it was so I decided to listen to it. I closed myself in our room. I lay down, put headphones on, closed my eyes, played the song on YouTube, and I felt like a total idiot.🤦‍♀️

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