The summer came and with it also their move to new house; a bigger house. My boss helped them with the moving, unpacking, placing stuff on shelves and so on. When I saw how she in her old age was running around and trying to impress them, I started laughing. 😅 She was soooo ass kisser. I was surprised that a 60 year old lady was groveling to a 35 years. She served them like they were a royal family. 👑 She smelled money on them and that was her cup of tea.🤑 I would say that she literally fell in love with their new house. She was about the house all the time. I told her, that it doesn’t matter what house they have but what type of people they are. All she said, “They are great!” I was speechless. Their wealth totally fogged her mind. A strict woman who is crazy about household order but she doesn´t mind to leave her small daughter with addicted psycho and I don’t even want to start talking about him again. He is a whole different story. But of course, they are great people!!🤦♀️
After all, I must admit that their house impressed me when I saw it for the first time. I was standing with my mouth open.😯 I had never seen such a huge house in my whole life. 🏰 It was beautiful from the outside and even more beautiful from the inside. Spacious, well furnished and I swear it was very, very, very luxurious. I was scared to even touch anything. I couldn’t imagine how I was supposed to clean up there. Everything looked so delicate. Hmm, I wouldn’t want such a house. 🤔 It was soooo huge that if you wanted to find somebody, there was no chance they could hear you calling their name. It was probably necessary to use a phone. ☎️😅 Another thing was that the house was built of materials and colors on which you could see every single grain of dust, every fingerprint, every footprint on the floor and so on. You could clean up nonstop if you wanted to have it perfectly clean. If I had such a house, I would feel like a slave in it. ⛓️ No, thank you. But it looked very nice, like from a catalogue.
When I was there for the second time, I was more organized. First time I almost got lost. Step by step, I got my own system and I worked faster. I started upstairs with bedrooms and bathrooms, then downstairs (living room, hall, Mrs. Amanda´s office, dining room, kid´s playing room, kitchen) and as the last thing, I cleaned up the basement (Mr. David´s office, bar, wine cellar, living room, playing room with a billiard table, foosball table and so on.) That day at 10am, Mrs. Amanda went to her yoga class. She left the baby in the first floor living room. Mr. David was supposed to take care of the baby, but of course as soon as his wife left, he smoked weed in the basement. While I was working, from time to time I had a look at the baby🧐 , even though it wasn’t my job! When he finaly got high, he was so kind and came up to look after the baby so I could continue with my job. I was working in the kitchen when he showed up and wanted to prepare a bottle of milk for the baby. I never felt comfortable around him, especially when he was high. As soon as he came to the kitchen, I backed up and wanted to do something else, just to avoid him. I better go outside with the garbage or go wipe down the dining room table or just something where I could be far away from him. As I tried to escape, he said, “You don’t have to be afraid.”
“I am not afraid,” I said.
I felt embarrassed. I didn’t want him to know that he intimidated me. I tried to avoid his look and tried to concentrate on my job.
“Do you workout?”, he asked.
“Yes.”, I responded. I was just wiping down the table turned my back to him. As I wanted to reach the end of the table, I stretched myself and automatically I pushed my bottom out. Perhaps that was the motive of his question. I realized it and I went to other side of table so I was turned towards him. But now when I was wiping the table and reaching for every corner, I saw him looking at my neckline and biting his lower lip. I stood up immediately! I told myself, “You are such an idiot! Choose if you want him to stare at your ass or your boobs! Damn it!”🤦♀️ So I better stay still and wait until he left the kitchen.
“Yea, you obviously workout. You have a nice figure, such a female figure. Very nice.”
“Thank you.” I blushed. I could feel that all my face was completely red! I felt absolutely embarrassed. And of course he had to point it out! I wanted to disappear at that moment! I wanted to find a hole in the floor and jump inside it!🤦♀️
“When you blush, you are even prettier.” With these words he finally left the kitchen and went back to living room to feed the baby. I relieved and shaking, kept working. Fortunately, Mrs. Amanda came back soon and took responsibility for the baby. I heard how he told her that he was going for lunch. I cheered up, “Great! Only the basement left, so when he will be out I can clean up there calmly. He will not bother me. YES!” Before he left the house, he stopped in the kitchen and said, “Have a nice day.” Then he finally left.
When I went there for the third time, I was determined to find a new working system; the avoiding system. I was confused after what Mr. David told me last time so I wanted to avoid him. I assumed that the schedule was going to be the same as last week. So it meant that Mr. David was supposed to work from morning to 10am, Mrs. Amanda was supposed to take her yoga class between 10am to 12pm, after that Mr. David was supposed to leave for lunch and come back when I was done. All I needed to do was work between 10am to 12pm in a part of house where Mr. David and I couldn’t meet.
It was a perfect plan if the schedule was exactly the same as last week of course. But it wasn’t! Mrs. Amanda was gone on a business trip, their son was at school as usual, and the baby was at granny´s. I wasn´t surprised that Mrs. Amanda didn’t want to leave the baby with Addicted Daddy for couple of days. But now, I was the one who stayed there alone with Addicted Daddy!! I told myself, “Alright! I will not fuss! Today he is not supposed to take care of baby so it means he will work until 12 pm and then he will go have lunch. He will not bother me. I hope.”🤞
When I walked inside the house I thought he was working in the basement, so I didn’t knock on the master bedroom door and I just walked in. And THAT I shouldn’t have done! He just came out of the bathroom and he was completely naked!🙈 For a second I only stood there, not able to move, watching him how he was pleased to see me in such embarrassment. He was smiling and absolutely not ashamed! I blushed and ran away. I better go to the other side of the house and start to work over there. As I was working I tried to think about something else and throw that picture out of my head.
When I finished upstairs, I went down and found him in the living room watching TV. He was probably high already because I could smell weed. He was drinking. I told myself, “Calm down! Remember what your boss said ´do your job and just ignore him.´ But I really don’t feel comfortable being here with a stoned and drunk guy!” I tried to act normally but inside I was freaking out.
“Go clean up my office first”, he commanded. His tone was mean. Some other time it would piss me off but that time I was glad that I could get out of his way. I supposed that he wanted to work so that´s why he needed me to go to the basement first.
When I finished his office, I went to clean up the bar. Meanwhile he came downstairs. I thought, “Hooray! He is going to office and I can continue with my work peacefully. The air will be clear.” But I was wrong. He sat down at the bar.
“Pour me a drink!” He pointed to a bottle of gin. He really pissed me off! I thought, “Who does he think he is? Since he has money, he can have everything? That he can give me orders like a servant? I´m not his servant, damn it! I refuse to serve him!”
He was disgusting; sitting there, reeling with red eyes, smelling of alcohol and weed.
“I am sorry, but I am the cleaning lady. My job is cleaning up. I´m not a bartender.”
“You will be my bitch, if I say so!!!” As he said it, he stood up like a madman, stretched across the counter and grabbed my arm. It hurt. I got so scared that I didn’t realized what he just said. I stayed quiet, breathing fast. My first thought was, “Police number in the US is 911, right?”
I didn’t want to stay there any longer. In that moment I didn’t give a shit if my boss fired me. I wanted to leave. I needed to escape! But I couldn’t. He was still holding my arm. After a while, he let go.
“I am sorry” ,he said and sat down.
“Pour a drink for you too.”
I thought, “Did he lose his mind or what?!? Does he really think that after that I will stay here and join him in drinking? He is totally crazy!!!”
I kept standing there, not moving at all, just thinking what I was going to do. I tried to find how I could get out of this situation alive and all right. I couldn’t upset him again because I didn’t know what he was capable of, and I didn’t want to find out.
“Come on! Pour yourself a drink. You will relax”, he insisted. So I obeyed. I took two glasses and filled them up. I passed him one of them and I held the other one. We clunked glasses. He said that we should kiss to cheers; to get to know each other. I didn’t want to. He could see it. He still held his glass in one hand and with other one he hit the countertop. I got scared and I spilled my drink a bit. I knew exactly what he wanted. He was drunk home alone with the unimportant cleaning lady so he wanted to get her drunk and take advantage of her.
I knew that there was no way of peaceful leaving. He made me come to the basement on purpose. It didn’t matter to him if I finished my job there or not, all he wanted was my body. I couldn’t make him anymore angry. I kissed him. I was lucky the bar counter was still between us, so we kissed above it. When our lips met, he wanted to push his tongue inside my mouth, but I closed my lips very hard. He was nasty. I tasted alcohol and weed on his breath, and that made me disgusted. I thought I was going to be sick. I pulled away. He laughed and drank his drink. That was my chance! At the moment when he was drinking, I threw my drink at his face. I hoped that alcohol would make his eyes sore and I would have a chance to escape. It worked! He screamed! I walked around the bar counter, which wasted a bit time, so I didn’t have a long lead. While he pulled himself together, I was already close to the stairs. I could hear how furious he was. He followed me. He threw his glass towards me. It hit my back. That glass didn’t break hitting my back so fortunately it didn’t cut me. It bounced of and broke on stairs. Even though the glass didn’t cut me, the hit still hurt and I lost my balance. I even stumbled and fell forward onto my hands. I continued crawling because I didn’t want to waste time standing up. I thought that once I get to the top of the stairs, then I could stand up on my feet. But I didn’t have a chance to get there. He grabbed my leg. I screamed out! He pulled me down the stairs and while I was sliding down I was trying to pull myself up, but all I got was that I just cut my hands on that broken glass. When he got me downstairs, he stood me up. My hands were bleeding. I was crying. I don’t remember if I could feel the pain of my injured hands. All I knew that my bleeding hands weren’t the reason for my tears. I was crying because I panicked. I didn’t know what was going on or what to expect. I was scared. I didn’t know how to get out of there. I was disappointed that my escape plan didn’t work and I couldn’t find another way out. I was soooo frightened.
In general, I am a strong woman. I don’t cry and I never beg. But at that moment I was begging so hard. I begged him to let me go. I promised I wouldn’t say anything. I was begging, begging and begging. He took me behind the bar towards the sink. He turned on cold water and wiped my hands under the flow. The wounds weren’t deep, so when he pushed them with paper towel, they stopped bleeding. I was relieved. At least I wasn’t going to bleed to death there. Hmm, one disaster averted. But I still didn’t know what he was up to. He didn’t say a word.
I thought, “Okay, I´m not going to bleed to death but he still can kill me. First he will rape me, then he will torture me and in the end, he will kill me. Perhaps he thinks that I´m nobody, nobody important. He might think I´m on my own in a foreign country and nobody will miss me. Nobody will search for me. But he was wrong! I have Mike! Hmm, Mike? Would he be able to find me? Would he be able to find out what happened to me? He doesn’t even have my boss´s number. He doesn’t know where I am right now. He doesn’t know my colleagues nor my clients. Would he call the police if I don’t come home today? Or will he be scared that they might report him to ICE? Would he risk his staying in the US because of me? Would anyone risk it for me? We are immigrants and everyone has their own problems. Everyone struggles to survive here. We all try to avoid police officers, criminals and just try to stay away from any sort of troubles. We just want to peacefully live our lives. So I´m asking again, “Would anyone bother themselves with searching for me?” I don’t think so. Maybe Mike would, but I doubt he would be successful. He is not strong enough.” 😥
But now I had real struggle! Literally! It wasn’t about keeping my ass in this country anymore! It was about keeping me alive! At that moment I told myself, “Fuck America! Do I need this? Who will protect me here?!? Nobody!!! Since my visa expired, I live like prey being hunted. If they catch me, they will send me right to my home country even if I don’t have a home there anymore. But right now I would be glad if ICE broke into the house and caught me. They would arrest me and then deport me, but at least I would be safe and alive.”
The fact that I´m writing these lines is proof that Mr. David didn’t kill me. So let me tell you what happened next. While he was taking care of my sore hands, I was still begging him to let me go. He said that he will, but first he gets what he wants. I knew what was going to happen next. I was glad that he didn’t want to kill me, but on the other hand I didn’t want to be raped either.
I calculated my chances, “Do I have a chance to fight him? He is about a head taller than me. He is bigger and definitely stronger. He has an athletic body and if he pushes me down with these muscles, I have no chance to even move. Does it make any sense to try to defend myself? I can´t win. I already tried to trick him but it didn’t work and all I got was cut hands. But maybe if I try to fight, he will hit me so strongly that I will be unconscious and it will be easier to survive it that way. But on the other hand could I live with the fact that I wouldn’t know what was happening with me?”
I decided to give up. Inside, I was reconciled with it because I realized that I couldn’t avoid it. By fighting I just could make it worse. I didn’t want to be beaten and have some marks on my body. I thought about it and I didn’t want anyone to know. Especially Mike. I didn’t want to hurt him this way. He would feel helpless and perhaps he would insist on leaving the US. I couldn’t let that happen. We had a plan for our future. We needed to stay here another year and half to reach our financial goal. I couldn’t ruin our whole effort just because of one drunk asshole. I need to get over it by myself and hide it from the whole world.
He led me towards the sofa. When I said I didn’t fight back, I didn’t mean that I went with him willingly. I walked slowly and tried not step forward. I just wanted to delay what was supposed to be done anyway. It was like I was hoping for a miracle to happen. But no miracle happened. He pulled me all the way to the sofa, and it seemed to me that it took hours to get there. It felt like a soldier who was supposed to be sacrificed in the end. I didn’t bite him, I didn’t scratch him, I didn’t hit or kick him. I didn’t do anything at all. I just cried. I totally gave up. It was very clear to me that if I would try any of these, he would beat me up and I really didn’t need this. It was enough that he pulled me down the stairs. I didn’t want more injuries. I could tell Mike that I accidentally broke something and that’s why I have sore hands. But I don’t know how I would explain if I had bruises all over my face and body. I thought, “Yea, that’s a good plan. I will say that I broke some very expensive mirror and that’s why I got fired. Because I´m definitely not going to work here anymore! I´ll tell my boss that I quit and that’s it. Nobody will know anything.”
Before David pushed me on the sofa, he undressed me. The upper part first. I was ashamed. I felt totally humiliated. I cried the whole time, even after I didn’t have any tears left. I used them all. I was sobbing and shaking. I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t control it. I covered my breasts with my hands. I was so ashamed. He tossed me on the sofa, ripped off the rest of my clothes and jumped on me. I could smell his breath. He was disgusting. He pulled down his pants and did it. Yea, that´s it. It happened.
The act itself wasn’t as horrible as they show us in movies. It wasn’t painful. Perhaps because I didn’t resist. He didn’t hurt me and my body didn’t suffer any harm. I can´t say the same about my psyche. Or my honor. I had plenty of knock outs in my life before so mentally I was pretty strong, and after few weeks I almost forgot it. But my womanhood was broken. Even today I can feel that humiliation; that feeling how I had to resign and surrender just to survive. That feeling of powerlessness. That feeling of me standing there topless in front of that jerk. That helplessness, that begging and crying. I can´t forget that feeling. I am still feeling it. It´s still there, somewhere inside me. But when I remember it, all you can see from outside is just goosebumps. The mess inside me is not seen.
It ended how I predicted. There was no police involved. There was no fight, no revenge, no trial, nothing. I quit and started to work for another cleaning service. The advantage of it was that I was not seeing Simon (See Cinderella) anymore.
Are you asking me why I didn’t accuse him? It´s simple. I´m only an immigrant and he is a rich and powerful man. What chance would I have in the court? None! And he knew it. He was aware that nothing would happen to him. That´s why he wasn’t scared to do it at all. Asshole!!!
Hmm, who knows why Eva quit….I never asked her.
A word to the wise. “Sometimes it´s easier just to give up and let it be. Sometimes you need to go through Hell silently because your screams might hurt somebody. Sometimes it´s better not to talk and just forget.”