Chapter 5, part 1: Fall to the Bottom

Lea tried to get in touch with me. She called, texted, sent messages on Facebook, but I ignored her. I even deleted her from my friend´s list on Facebook. I didn’t want to have anything in common with her anymore. I was done with her! She betrayed me and I wasn’t able to trust her anymore.

“You two should talk. Let her explain everything. Do you know how worried she is because of that?” Nela tried to persuade me.
“Nela, don’t start that again, please. What does she want to explain? I know she was drunk but does that excuse her actions? Or what other excuse could she possibly have for what she did? There´s no adequate apology. Don’t you understand? I wouldn’t say anything if she did it somewhere quietly, drunk and in secret, but she did it in front of my eyes!👀 She knew that I was there and I could see them. She knew what he meant to me; that I liked him and it wasn’t only about sex. And she still fucked him in front of me. That is unforgiveable and I´m telling you, never open this topic again because you upset me.”
“Okay, okay, I´m sorry. Calm down. Well, I´m so sorry that you two don’t talk. We were such a good group. Just us three. And now, we can´t hang out together; just me with each of you alone.”
“I am sorry too, Nela. You can´t even imagine how much. But anyway, we won´t be hanging out all together much longer. Summer is almost over, and you are going to Spain for Erasmus(European student exchange programme), and Lea is going to Turkey. I´m staying here in Kosice all by myself. What am I supposed to do without you?”
“Oh, honey. You will go to school parties and have fun like you always did. You´ll see, it will be okay. And what about Peter? You said, he is nice. You can spend time with him.”
“Yeah, Peter is cool. He is just a friend. I don’t want to date him or anything like that. It would ruin our friendship. So I guess he will replace you for now, until you come back from Spain. I hope I can manage these eight months.”
“Don’t worry. I´ll come home for Christmas. We could make plans for New Year´s Eve. You´ll see, it will go so fast. And then it will be summer again, and that will be our last summer vacation. God! Can you believe it? In one year we will be in our last year of college, and when we finish there will be no hooray summer 😁but shit! we need to find a job😭.”
“Well, I can´t imagine that at all. I have no idea what I want to do in life.🤷‍♀️ I don’t really want to stay in Kosice, but where should I go? I have no plans yet. I feel completely lost.”
“Don’t worry. We all do. Fortunately, we still have two years ahead of us to figure it all out.”

Nela left for Spain, where she was supposed to stay for two semesters. Before her, departure she told me I could come to visit her on Halloween. In Slovakia for Halloween, we have two days off because of All Saints Day so it means there are four days off including weekend. So I really could take a small vacation to Spain and have a great Halloween party with Nela. My problem wasn’t taking off from school, but it was money. I spent almost everything on Malta, and since I came back, I couldn´t find any work. I was desperate. I didn’t have a job. I didn’t have a man. I didn’t have my friends. I didn’t have a vision to the future. I didn’t have anything, and I didn’t feel like doing anything at all either. 😟

The school semester started and I was even more depressed. Searching for a job during school  was more difficult. Even if I found something, it was impossible to make it work with my school schedule so in the end I had to drop it. I kept searching. I searched on the Internet and newspaper, and I still couldn’t find anything. I urgently needed to find some work because I was literally out of money. I mean flat broke. 😣😥My parents didn’t support me. I did live with them for free, but I was responsible for all my personal expenses. My situation was going to be critical. I almost didn’t have money for fucking tampons! 🤦‍♀️

One day on the Internet, I ran into an advertisement for VIP hostess. “Hmm, VIP! It should pay well. Perhaps something like standing at a party for politicians and leading guests to their seats? It would be great!” I thought. So I called and made an appointment for an interview. But first, they wanted me to send them some pictures of myself. I totally understood. After all, the one who welcomes the guests can´t look like a bum. I sent them my best pictures, and they called me back and told me the time and place where I was supposed to arrive. “Great! I am not ugly. They invited me for an interview.” I though, pleased with the result. ☺👍

I dressed up nicely, combed my hair, put make up on, and I was ready to go. I was determined to get that job. 😉Better to say that I was desperate, and I really needed that job. My desperation affected all my moral values. When I find out what it was about I was in shock. Not a simple hostess, but a luxury escort! 😟A companion for men! In other words a prostitute! 😬🤦‍♀️But they didn’t call it that. “Maybe it´s not what I think?” I told myself as I tried to see a bit hope in my desperate situation.🤔

“Do I have to have sex with them?”🙄 I asked when I got to the interview. I know that was a bit of a stupid question.🙈 Even the interviewer looked at me like I was from another planet. But I came there to get a job. I was depending on it. I really needed a job but I wasn’t willing to sleep with men for money. I wanted it to be innocent. I wanted it to be really just hostess job. Just a companion to go to the theatre, the opera, a company event, and so on. Just company for men, who don’t have a wife or a partner to join them for some public occasion.

“It´s up to your agreement with the client. It´s not obligatory, of course”, the interviewer replied. Hmm, of course. What else could she say?🤔 That, “Of course, we will be selling you with everything you can offer and then you can just call the cops to ruin our business.” Oh, and I actually believed her. I wanted to believe her. Financially, it was more than attractive. I never even dreamed about that much money. 💶It was tempting. It was a very simple way how to earn big money.💰 All the skills you needed were good looks and to speak English. I had both. I wasn’t ugly, and I spoke English pretty well. Despite of the shity things that happened in Malta, I can at least say “thanks” for the English lesson. 🙏

I thought, “What is so bad about it? 🤔The clients are from abroad so there is the possibility to travel and get to know other countries and cultures. Nobody will know about it🤫, and in the end, I could have a good time with those men. I will keep them company for different events. I´ll be the best arm candy I can be so they wouldn’t be embarrassed of me. I´ll be sociable, complimentary and kind. I´ll try to entertain everyone so they wouldn’t be bored with me. I don’t have to have sex with them and they can´t persuade me. That’s why it´s all done through that agency. If something happened to me, they would stand up for me. Okay. I can do it!💪 I have 1000€ for one trip, though!😱 I never had that much money in my wallet. Plus, they paid for the flight, accommodation, food and everything. That 1000€ is just for me for my pleasant company.☺ That’s unbelievable!” I started to like the idea.

They took a few pictures📷 of me for my web profile, where the clients could find me and then if they were interested, they could then contact me. They gave me a short dress and took some photos. I was more naked than dressed, but I didn’t mind. All I had in my head then were numbers. I already counted how much I would be able to earn💶 in a month since I could only travel on weekends because of school. I thought about shopping. How I wouldn´t have to count every single Euro. How I could visit Nela in Spain and how much we could enjoy ourselves. These were beautiful thoughts. But nothing is free!😟

A week later, my profile on that website was already up so I could start working. I began to receive emails from the clients. They called me “baby” and asked me what services I offer, and how I would like to spend time with them. I thought, “Hmm, what do I offer? My pleasant company of course, what else could I offer?” 🤔🤷‍♀️So I nicely replied them that I´m kind person, I always have fun, so they wouldn’t be bored with me at all. I told them that I like the theatre and other social events; that I´m looking forward to meeting them, and that we could spend a quality time together, getting to each other, and if there is chemistry between us, we could then have sex. I needed to give them some hope, right? 🤷‍♀️Well, I mean if I really liked someone, I wouldn’t refuse to be intimate, even if the clients were mostly much older; at least double of my age.🤦‍♀️

Nobody replied back. Nobody! Not even one. I had a bad feeling that there was something very wrong about all this. And soon enough, it was confirmed when I received emails that said, “Hi love, do you blow without a condom and do you swallow? …Do you do anal? …I want to fuck your ass…I really want to come all over your body…Sex, no condom. I´m clean…I want you to blow me as hard as you can, deep…” My jaw dropped as I read these. 🤯😨Then I realized what they wrote about so I shut my mouth ASAP. 🤐🤢OMG!!! I finally got it! Everything was clear. It wasn’t about innocent company for events, it was all about sex. The entire time, it was all about sex and I didn’t get it. I probably just didn’t want to see it.🤦‍♀️

All emails started the same, ”What services do you offer?” And sometimes there would be some abbreviations, which I saw for the first time and I had no idea what they meant. I needed to google them. For example: CIM (come into mouth), COF (come on face) and much more. It was disgusting.🤮🤮🤮 I was totally horrified. I asked myself, “What did I get into?!?” I knew there was no way back. I already signed the contract, and I had to pay for “setting up my profile” on their website. It wasn’t cheap. To be exact, I was supposed to pay a monthly charge of 600€.🤦‍♀️ Can you imagine it? I was worried, “Where do I get that much money? I´ll have to pay for the first month, and then I´ll quit, of course. But where will I get 600€?” I needed to speak with Peter urgently. I called him, “Hi, can I come over? I need to talk to you!”
“Sure, no problem. Come. I don’t have any plans tonight.”
“Do you have weed? I need to relax. Otherwise I´ll go crazy.”
“Of course, I still have some. Come on, hurry up, cause I´m already rolling a joint.”
I loved him. He was the best!😍☺

“So, honey. What´s wrong?” Peter asked.
“I fucked up my life.”
“What happened? Did some asshole fuck you and dump you again?”
“Ha, ha, very funny, that again?!?”
“Don’t be upset. Just tell me what happened.”
“I´m so ashamed. It´s really horrible. Please, don’t judge me.”
“God! The curiosity is killing me. Tell me!”
I told Peter everything. How I found the advertisement for the job, what I thought about it, what was the interview like and about those emails I received. I showed him my web profile, and I also told him how much I had to pay for it.
“But do you have to meet those clients who already contacted you?”
“No. It´s all about the agreement between us. Our chat is private so the agency can´t force me.”
“So it means that you can choose who you go with or not.”
“Right, but I´m not going with anybody. Do you understand?!?”
“Why not?”
“Are you already high? Because I´m not a whore! Am I?!?”
“I´m not saying you are a whore. You are ´VIP luxury hostess´.”
“Stop it!!!”
“I´m serious. Look, if I was a woman and had this opportunity, I would do it. Do you know how much money you can make? One night 1000€? It´s insane! You can go only once a month and you have 600€ for the fee and still have 400€ left. For a student, that’s not bad.”
“I really can´t imagine selling my body.”
“Not even for that much money? Tell me, where could you earn that much? Nobody needs to know about it. Why not? You are only a student and still young.”
“I don’t know. I need to think about it.”
“At least try it and then you will see. Make enough money at least for that first fee and you will see if you want to continue.”
“But these men write about all those disgusting things. I won´t do it! Anal? Never ever! Yuck! Or without a condom? Are they nuts? No way!”
“Don’t even respond to those. I´m sure you will find some normal men. Of course, there are a lot of perverts but I think there are also regular guys, who just want vanilla sex with a young pussy.”
“Thanks for referring me as a young pussy.”🤦‍♀️
“Anytime. You my little pussy. Can I be your first client?” He gave me gamin look.
“And do you have 1000€?” I asked him.
“How about for free? Like a test drive.”
“You are such a dick!”
We both laughed. The weed began to kick in and we were totally high. At least I forgot the difficult situation I got into, and what else I would need to do to get out of it. I don’t even know how I fell asleep. We fell asleep together in one bed, totally stoned and happy, that we have one each other. That’s a true friend, right? You could lay down next to him, and he wouldn’t rape you. You can tell him anything, and he would always support you. Even when selling your body. Ah, man. 🤦‍♀️

Okay. I decided that I would try it. I told myself, “I will earn enough money for that freaking fee and I will quit. It will only be a one time thing. Nothing more. I will forget it like yesterday´s news; like all the other things from my past. I will simply push it out of my head and that’s it. Like it never happened. Fine. I´ve made my peace with it and now it´s time for action. I need to make that money by four weeks, otherwise there will be another fee for another month and that will mean that it wouldn’t be just one time thing because I would owe 1200€. OMG! That would be terrible!”😟

I read all the messages from all those perverts and sometimes I even thought I was going to vomit🤢. I told myself, “No! I can´t do it! Oh my God, how will I handle this? Will I get drunk? I´m already freaked out only by reading those emails. I can´t imagine actually meeting those men and… 😬🤢

Then, I ran into pretty cool message. It was written by some Greek guy. His name was Andreas. Hmm, even his name was cute. He didn’t address me as a “baby”, but by my name. He didn’t ask me about the services like the others. He only asked whether I had time, and if I was in the mood to spend that weekend in Vienna with him because he was supposed to be there on business trip. I asked his age and for him to send me a picture. He was 54. “Oh, grandpa”, I thought. But his photo surprised me. He looked young for his age and well taking care of. I thought that maybe I could do it. So I replied. I was still pretty nervous . I had no idea what I was doing. We agreed that we would meet that weekend in Vienna. I was supposed to arrive there on Saturday afternoon and his driver would pick me up from the railway station and drive me to the hotel. Andreas had some work responsibilities so he would meet me later that evening, and then we would have dinner somewhere, and then…well, you know what was supposed to happen then. After arriving at the hotel room… 😟I totally freaked out when I imagined it. But I tried to not think about it too much.

It was Friday. The big day had come. I was very nervous at school. I absolutely couldn’t focus on my lessons. We had class in the IT room where you needed to concentrate very well to not get lost in all those numbers and charts. All the analysis we were doing was killing me. Even the professor was riding me and didn’t give me any peace, when he noticed that I wasn’t fully there.
“Miss, with your lack of knowledge and easy-going attitude there´s no chance you will ever become an economist”, he told me.
I thought, “Hmm, you idiot, I know that very well! I don’t have an easy attitude. I am all easy! I will become only a whore, not economist. You don’t need to remind me of it!” I felt sick. I had terrible thoughts in my head. I felt like dirty.

After school I went to buy a ticket for the train and then quickly ran home. I needed to pack some stuff and then, I wanted to go to bed early because the train was departing at 5:50am. I didn’t want to arrive in Vienna dead tired like a zombie so he wouldn’t have any reason to pay me.

I told my parents that I was going to a chalet with my classmates, and then I started to pack my luggage. When I was finished, I sat down at my laptop and opened my emails. There were five messages from Andreas. In the first email he apologized that he had to cancel our plans due to some unexpected circumstances, but he still definitely wants to meet me so we could arrange some other date. In the second message, he asked me when I have time to meet him. In the next email, he asked me if I got upset that he cancelled Vienna, but I shouldn’t worry that he will make it up to me. Next message looked like this, “Why didn’t you reply? I apologized nicely and I expected you to understand it. Could you answer me, please? I really would like to meet you.” And the last one was, “Helloooooooo!!!”

At first, I didn’t know if I should laugh or be upset. In spite of that I was scared of that weekend in Vienna, I had to earn money. I could finally be done with it all. Now, I had to relive that stress again. On the other hand, I was a bit relieved that I didn’t have to go either. I was also a bit glad that he freaked out so much that I didn’t answer him right away. It was pretty cute.😄🙂 He acted like a hysterical woman who is totally into a man and he ignores her. It was a bit funny and especially when I realized that 54 years old man was causing such a scene.😅😅 So I replied that I was in school all day so I didn’t have a chance to respond to him. I know, it is a stupid excuse for somebody who possesses a smart phone, but my phone was really crap. It wasn’t able to connect wi-fi at all. So I explained my situation with that phone, and that I had no connection with the world while I was at school. I also mentioned that I already bought a train ticket. I underhandedly hoped that he would be a gentleman and would pay for it. And he actually did!😯😃✌ He sent money to my bank account. I was surprised because he had no obligation to do so, but he did anyway, plus he sent me 200€ extra as compensation that I reserved the weekend for him and refused other clients but in the end I didn’t earn anything. “Ha! Whhaaaaat?!? I didn’t even have any other clients and I didn’t even plan to have any. Those other guys were perverted.” I thought.

I was packed and my parents thought that I was going to be at a chalet for whole the weekend. My train ticked was bought and I had 200€ extra on my bank account, so I called Peter. We took a short trip to Vienna together. Just because and only for one day. We visited museums, walked around the city, had a lunch and we went back home satisfied. We arrived at night and went to Peter´s apartment. I couldn’t go home because I was supposed to be on chalet with my classmates.

On Sunday morning  Peter and I went to church together.😇 It was very nice. We both believed in God, but in reality, we didn’t behave like proper Christians. We didn’t practice all that stuff. But from time to time I felt the need to go to church. I needed to relax my mind and spirit, and get closer to God. On that day, I desperately needed to feel God´s presence. I wanted to apologize for all the sins and mistakes I recently made. I wanted to thank him for still caring about me despite my bad behavior. I thanked him for the beautiful weekend I spent with Peter. I thanked him that the weekend ended well, even I knew that my problems weren’t  solved yet. I knew the dark days weren’t over yet. That’s why I needed to ask him for strength so I could handle everything what was still waiting for me.😪

After church, we went to the store and bought breakfast and few things for lunch. At home, we had coffee with breakfast, then we cooked the lunch, and sat down in front of TV until evening. I felt very cozy and relaxed. It was very nice. 😉☺

Halloween was coming. I didn’t earn as much as I thought I would have so our plans with Nela fell apart. I couldn’t afford to travel to Spain. “What a shame. But what can I do? Nothing. We will see each other for Christmas”, I told myself and tried to stay positive.

Andreas wanted to meet me the very next weekend but I got my period so it didn’t work out. A week later, he didn’t have time because he went on a business trip to Tokyo. He didn’t want to take me with him because he told me it was not a good place for our first meeting. He said that the Japanese are pretty perverted, especially when they are drunk, and he didn’t want me to feel uncomfortable. He also said that they drink a lot. “Ha! He hasn’t seen us, The East-siders from Slovakia, yet. I would beat them in drinking like a boss”, I thought. 😅🙌👊

We finally met a week before my birthday. He suggested that it would be the best if I came to his place in Greece. Can you believe it? He really invited me to his home. Me, the stranger!😯 I didn’t understand it. The Greeks are weird.🤨

Before I left, I met with Peter. I gave him all the important information, the client´s name, his address, phone number, my flights numbers, information about the agency. I wanted him to contact them in case something happened to me. He was my insurance. He wished me luck, encouraged me and said that everything will be alright. I hoped that it would.

To be continued…

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