What kind of woman would get mixed up with a married guy? You would say that only a bitch. Only someone without any moral values. What sort of woman is she if she is breaking up a marriage, a family? Let´s not judge! Every coin has two sides…
I used to judge and had prejudices as well. I didn’t understand those women until I became one of them. I don’t even know how it happened, but it did. The first time I didn’t know he was married (see The Man Who Killed Me). You would say that the second time I should be wiser. I wasn’t. I fell into it again and enriched myself with another experience. Fortunately, the first one broke me down so hard that the other one was nothing.😏 Easy to pass.
I was working as bartender/waitress in a small pub. The pub was really small so I was alone on my shift. I liked it that way. I prefer to work alone than in the group. I don’t rely upon anybody and I like to do everything by myself and my own way.☝️ Otherwise I feel that things are not done well. I am a bit crazy.😅 I was glad that I didn’t have to discuss and resolve problems with anybody though. I was responsible for everything; the money, the goods, the orders. If something went wrong I would have known it was my mistake and so there wasn’t any space for unnecessary conflicts. My boss was very suspicious, I dare to say even paranoid. He thought that somebody wanted to rob him all the time. And that somebody was supposed to be me and a colleague of mine with whom I was splitting the shifts. Since his sister-in-law stole from him, he had that complex. I´ll explain: His wife´s sister worked there before my colleague was hired to replace her. She was born a liar, literally. She could lie so well that you would believe anything. And so she would steal at work. She would change numbers in the inventory sheets, sell her own alcohol and so on. The boss figured it out, fired her and since then he would check everything out and didn’t trust us at all. Everything because of her. And there was never any problem with me at all. I had never robbed him, cheated him or anything. But I wasn’t trusted anyway. 🙄😒
The summer began and I spent more time at work because I had vacation and I wanted to earn more, of course. I noticed my boss started to spend more time in the pub as well. The reason was simple. Alcohol.🍸 He started to have problems with it. Perhaps.🤔There was his divorce as well as drinking. The divorce had already lasted half a year. Before vacation, when I went to school and only worked weekends, I heard something about it while he was speaking with his friend. But now, when he wasn’t only drinking in the evenings with friends but visiting the pub in the morning when nobody was there, he started to talk about his problems with me as well.
However, I was no longer in high school, I meet with Nela and Lea pretty often. We all attended different colleges, but in the same city. We stayed in our home city. So I could gossip with them about my boss.
“You know I feel a bit bad for him. He is always talking about his divorce, his wife, how she left him and took their small daughter with her. He misses his little girl very much, but he´s always talking shit about his wife. He said that she goes clubbing at night and leaves their daughter with her parents.” I started gossiping with my girls. 😊😍😘
“How old is she?”, Lea asked.
“I don’t know, maybe 25?”
“So she had the baby when she was like 22, right? Pretty young! I am not surprised that she is trying to catch up what she missed.”
“Doesn’t she remind you of somebody?” Nela got a point.
“The Liar´s ex!!!”, we all screamed out together.😂
“Exactly the same! They both got married and had children very young and then when they were supposed to be responsible and take care of their families, they started partying. I don’t get it!”
“You see, we have to wait to have children until we´re 30, at least. So we will have enough time for night life and fun. Speaking of which, when will we go out? What about this Friday?”
“I am working.”
“OMG. You are always working!”
“Ha, it would be funny if we met her out somewhere.”
“By the way what does she do? Does she have any money to live on? Now that she left him, the business man, her standard of living must have gone down.”
“She works as an accountant. His mom taught her everything about it and she got her some clients. That’s why he is even more upset that she is independent and everything thanks to him and his mom. In addition, before she left, she had withdrawn 12,000 € from his bank account!”
“OMG! She fucked him!”
“And she probably had an affair as well. He found some messages in her phone.”
“Of course she has a lover! Why would she have left him then? Unless he beat her up or something.”
“Actually, he hit her once. And she sued him. He will have a trial because of that.”
“She got him! He hit her, so the judge will be on her side. She might leave with a nice fortune after the divorce.”
“I am not so sure. He told me that he has a plan. He wants to transfer all his property to his mom. So he wants to look like he has nothing to share with her.”
“He is so cunning!”
One day he was celebrating his birthday🎉🎊🎁 in the pub. The atmosphere was great. There was a lot of food, drinks, everybody was cheerful and even I was in a good mood in spite of the fact that I was working. I had fun watching and listening to them.😄 When they were almost done and more than half of them had gone, the boss asked me to join them. I didn’t have so much work then because those who had stayed were so drunk that they didn’t ask for more drinks, so I was free to sit down and relax. I poured myself some wine and sat next to my boss. He was already drunk enough. We sat and listened to the others talking for a while. Then he came closer to me and he whispered something in my ear, some comment about what the others were talking about. I don’t remember what it was. Probably it was something funny because I laughed. He looked into my eyes and said that I was pretty. I was surprised. I didn’t know how to react so I said only:”Thank you.” And I drank the glass of wine all at once. 🍷I went behind the bar and refilled my cup. When I sat down again he took my hand. He just held it with both his hands for while and then he caressed it. It was weird but I let him.
After another glass of wine I wasn’t quite sober anymore. The rest of the people had gone and we stayed alone. He kissed me. I could feel alcohol in my head, which fogged my mind and also gave me courage. A soft voice somewhere inside me whispered: “What are you doing?! He is your boss! You know what it looks like if an employee has an affair with the employer! Do you want to be like that? And he is STIL married! Another married guy?!”
Despite that I didn’t stop. It felt good. We went to his apartment and slept together. I didn’t stay for the night because he told me that his wife still had the keys. She could come home anytime and he didn’t want her to find me there. It could compromise him in the court, so I left.
The very next day I wasn’t sure how to behave if he came to the pub. And of course he turned up. He came behind the bar to me and told me: “I hope you don’t take it seriously, you know I am still getting divorced.”
What else could I expect, right? I kind knew it would end up like this. He was drunk, his wife was gone and he missed sex. What else could he actually want from me? Only sex! I felt a bit sorry that he told me that so directly, but I didn’t mind very much. I didn’t have any feelings for him. ☝️For now! So I answered: “Of course.”
I thought it was only a one night affair and that it would not repeat, but it wasn’t like that. Things changed between us. We talked a lot, mostly about his wife and daughter. How he missed his little girl and how his wife was doing anything just because she wanted to hurt him. I felt sorry for him. I tried to stay by his side and cheer him up. Besides his problems, we also talked about school, for example. We both were students at that time. Yes, that’s true – he, in his 30s was attending college. However, his college was private and considered one of the weakest schools in our city.
I admired him anyway. I admired the way he struggled. I do not think it is so easy to study in your 30s. 🤓The older we get, the slower our brain is. As he said, even though he is financial independent now, it doesn´t mean it will be always like that. He wanted to get ready if in the future something changed. You never know when you might need a degree. I agreed. I liked that he didn’t stagnate but he moved things forward. Besides going to school, he also worked as a hockey referee.🏒 When he was younger, he actively played hockey, but then he got injured and had to stop. During the playing season, he traveled around the country and officiated hockey matches. He had not done the first league, but his goal was to get there. I had already noticed before that he was an athlete, but I didn’t know that it was so serious. That he actually earned his living in sports. I was impressed. He didn’t just sit at home doing nothing, but had his goals and was trying to reach them. Bravo!👏
During that summer, we grew closer mentally and physically too. We began to sleep together regularly. To make it clear we only slept together when he came to the pub and got drunk. I didn’t get it. When he was sober, we never slept together, only talked. And we understood each other well. When he got drunk we had a lot of fun and had sex. Well, after my weird sex with the Liar, and a couple more weird encounters with other guys, my boss really taught me things. A loooooot of things. 😊🙈
He was very secretive about us. He didn’t want anybody to know. He only got close to me when everybody else left the pub. He said that he didn’t want anybody to see us because somebody could tell his wife and that could be used against him in court. Keeping this secret way was fine for me, too. I didn’t want anybody to know either. I didn’t want to hear useless advice and insults. I was totally aware of what my behavior looked like to other people. Sometimes I even considered myself that way…like a bitch. 😔🙈But I couldn’t stop doing it. I had already fell pretty deeply into it. I liked him and I liked him a lot. I even didn’t tell Nela or Lea.🙊
After a few weeks, he stopped controlling himself in front of other people. Maybe he didn’t mind anymore that they could see us. Nevertheless, I thought that regular customers had known about us all the time. He started to touch me accidentally in front of them. For example, when I was standing next to him (he was sitting) and cleaning table, he touched my butt or leg and he pretended like nothing happened. But it wasn’t so inconspicuous as he thought. 😄He would search for an excuse just to go behind the bar where I was, like he needed cigarettes or a lighter, or he wanted to check his bill or something.
All excuses. I knew that he was doing it because of me. Every time he came, he touched me somehow, even if it was only my arm. Once or twice he even kissed me behind the bar. I started to think it was going somewhere, that our relationship was going further. I told myself: “He is not ashamed of me! Probably he likes me too.” I was still waiting though. Still waiting until he got a divorce and we could officially be together. “We could then meet each other somewhere else than only at that pub and his apartment. We would be dating and would be a normal couple!” I was imagining all this and couldn´t wait until it came.🤗
That entire summer was like a big party. The boss got drunk 3-4 times per week and sometimes I got drunk with him as well. Then we had sex of course. Somehow I didn’t want to see that he had a problem with alcohol. I told myself: “It´s summer, a holiday break, so let him have a little fun! With me! School is starting soon, with hockey matches, and there will be no time for drinking anymore.” I took it like: Let´s have fun while we can!…. Until something happened.
It was at the end of summer, only a few days before we were supposed to go back to school. He made such a fucking mistake! He got caught driving drunk! That evening he was supposed to come to the pub because we were doing inventory, but he didn’t show up. His mom came and told us what happened. He got arrested and he was supposed to spend a night in jail. 😨I almost fainted. I was so worried about him and pissed off at the same time. “What was he thinking when he got into that car?! That lunatic!” I was scared what was coming next because drunk driving carried a heavy penalty! He could end up in the prison!
Next day, the whole pub was gossiping about what happened. Coincidentally, our regular customers were policemen so they tried to find out some news about him, especially what chance he had to get out of all this. In other words, these high ranking cops were begging those who had an even higher rank to see what they could find out. I was sniffing around, trying to hear every word🙄. From time to time, I asked something, like when they were supposed to release him, if he was going to have a trial, for how long he could be sentenced and so on. In the end, they released him the very next day. A few days later, he had a trial and they only took him his driving license for a year and he got a probation. That was it, no prison. I was so relieved and happy for him. However, since that moment, everything changed between us…
The school term began and I was working only weekends so we saw very little of each other. He didn’t visit me in the mornings because he had to travel for hockey matches and didn´t come in the evenings either. I was sure that everything with his arrest made it hard for him in divorce court. Certainly, his wife didn’t want to give him their daughter now and that was probably the reason why he was so moody and nervous all the time. On the other hand, he finally stopped drinking. I hadn’t seen him drunk for a while. He gave up drinking but this meant that we stopped having sex. Absolutely. I didn’t give our relationship any chance anymore. It was over before it even began. It was only a summer fling. It was good that I hadn’t said anything to Nela or Lea. I was embarrassed that I had slept with my boss. I thought they wouldn’t understand. Well, they wouldn’t judge me but still, I just couldn’t tell them. I knew exactly what they would say:
Nela: “Are you crazy?…Another married guy?…Didn´t you have enough with the Liar?… Of course, you can´t have a future with a married man!…”
Lea: “I´m not saying that you chose the wrong guy now….He is older, well-off and that thing that he is a hockey referee, that is very hot!…It´s not a problem that he is married, he is getting divorced anyway, but the problem is that he is a drunk! Don’t ignore it!…And in general, he´s an asshole to women! Look at what he did to his wife! He hit her and he doesn’t want to give her anything after the divorce ….Be careful, because you could end up the same way.”
They both would be right. I knew that, but I didn’t want to hear it! 🙉I didn’t feel like listening to them. I needed to deal with it alone, without their help.
After a few weeks, he started to drink again but it wasn’t like before at all. We didn’t have fun anymore. I didn’t join him in drinking anymore, and he began to behave aggressively when he got drunk. He would shout that this was not the end, that he was not done with that bitch (his wife) and so on. I didn’t know exactly what he meant because we weren’t talking anymore; I was only his employee again. When we did inventory he always had a problem and would make comments like: “I don’t trust anybody. Not even you. I know you are cheating me and stealing. You do it very well because I haven’t figured out how you do it yet.” He was humiliating me that way. I didn’t understand it. I had never given him any reason to treat me like that. I had never lied to him. Never stole from him. I adored him! I don’t even know how but I fell for him. Like an idiot! Even if I always knew it was not going anywhere with him, I developed feelings for him anyway, even when he was behaving like an asshole!
A few weeks later I had enough of him!😡 His arrogance and snobbery pissed me off! As I was behind the bar doing my job, he was sitting and drinking with his friend on the other side of the bar directly opposite of me. It was so demeaning when he insulted me and humiliated me even in front of his friend. We had exams at school and he was just celebrating finishing an exam. As if he needed an excuse to drink, right? Anyway, he was showing off because he got an A in math. We all know how hard it is to even pass math, so it was a big deal to get the A!🏆 He asked me what I got. I answered that I got a D. He laughed and made a remark: “You see, not everybody is fit for a college. It´s not for everybody. You have to be smart …” I really had enough!😤 “Who does he think he is? Who is he to talk to me like that?! He became an alcoholic and he´s trying to comment on intelligence? This guy?! Who attends a ridiculous school, where they get all the questions with the answers before the exam? Any fucking dummy could pass exams that way, right?! The school where you pay and therefore they don’t kick your ass out, even if you fail! There you go, this is private education in our country! And should I be ashamed because I got a D in Math? I´m attending The College of Economies, which has the best rating in the country! Over there it´s not a bed of roses!” After all his bullshit I answered: “I would get straight A´s at your school and with no effort, but you wouldn’t even pass a single exam at my school!”
He just laughed. “What matters is what´s written on our transcript. So you have a D and I have an A.”
What a pitiful man! I felt sorry for him. He made me absolutely disgusted 😠but I still had feelings for him…like an idiot!😠
One day I had dinner with my friends from high-school. We hadn’t seen each other for a while as everyone was studying in different cities. We met after half a year of not seeing of each other so we had a lot to talk about. Out of nowhere, my boss called me. It took me by surprise. “What was that supposed to be? He never called me during my free time. We only talked about work that time. It had been half a year since our relation went totally to shit and now he decide to call me?”
I apologized and went to answer the phone outside. I could hear he was drunk but not totally fucked up. He apologized for his past rude behavior and said he wanted to see me. I said I was out with my friends but he insisted that he wanted to talk. I promised to see him as soon as I could. But I also told him that I didn’t want to stay at his place, that we would go out.
I was suspicious that he might only be horny and had nobody to fuck so he suddenly remembered me. I didn’t want to give him a chance to fuck me literally and figuratively. ☝️He didn’t deserve me even if I would want to have sex with him. “NO! It will not happen!”☝️ I hung up and went back inside the restaurant. I apologized to my friends for my early departure and I ran to him like a fool. My friends were disappointed of course. I knew I was acting stupidly. I thought: “The closest people to me are sitting here. My best friends. We haven’t seen each other for a long time and I´m leaving because of that jerk! What should I expect?! That he will beg me for forgiveness for all those things he had said? That he realized what I mean to him, that he missed me and that he wants to be with me?!” I hoped that this was exactly what was going to happen. I really hoped and was ready to forgive him.🙈
“Where are you going?”, Lea ran after me.
“My sis called that something happened at home, I need to go.”
“I don’t believe you!”
I stayed quiet.
“You are going after him. Your boss!”
“How do you know?”
“Mathew told me.”
Aha, Mathew! Of course! Another liar! Damn it! I suspected that he knew about us!
“What did he say? You know he is a liar.”
“I know, but I think this one might be true. At the end of summer he told me that you and your boss had an affair. First, I thought he was lying as usual, but then I started to notice your behavior more, and suddenly everything was clear! I expected you to tell us by yourself, but it´s been half year already and you still nothing!”
“I´m sorry, I was embarrassed. Does Nela know?”
“She doesn’t. You know, you can tell us anything. At least me. I´m not judging you, I´m just worried about you.”
“I know, I´m truly sorry. I need to go now, but I will tell you both everything. I swear.”
We hugged good bye.
To be continued…
PS: enter your email to follow me down here: https://barbara-kueen.com/ , you will receive notifications and you won´t miss anything about Klara…btw “side story” coming soon! ⇒ What was Klara´s 1st year in college like? Who is Mathew?